stickyfeathers

how things happened the first time.

i'm taking my time answering everyone's questions.  tonight, i'm going to answer one of nicole's questions about tucker's birth story.  i had a blog or two before i had stickyfeathers.  i have them printed out so i can look back on everything that happened back then.  i took them out tonight, and in one of my old posts, i wrote about tucker's birth.  here is what i wrote:

so it all started, well, when i got pregnant (of course).  i had worked at the sheriff's office for four years when this happened.  things went really well, no morning sickness, nothing, until march.  then i started swelling up like a water buffalo.  i was due on may 14.  at work, they were not excited for me to be leaving and made sure i knew it.  i love my job, but i did plan on having my baby towards the end of spring in order to have our 'busy season' off.  well, it didn't happen quite like i planned.

on march 29, i took the day off to rest my swollen feet.  i felt 'cramping' call day, but thought i would discuss it with my doctor the next day at my appointment.  that night, the girls planned to go out to cove point to eat dinner and plan my baby shower.  it was jen, jenn, tina, my step-mom, keri, my mother-in-law, jamie, and i at dinner.  i had drove down with tina and keri, meeting everyone else there.  during the dinner, my 'cramping' got worse.  it felt like someone was cinching a belt around my waist as tight as they could.  it was weird.  keri said she noticed that i wasn't myself.  after our drinks came, the girls asked me to leave the table for a minute so they could talk about the shower.  i had to go to the bathroom anyways.  well, i went to the bathroom and to my horror, i was bleeding a bit.  i was in shock.  i walked back to the table, not knowing what i was going to say.  i didn't know what this meant, but i knew it wasn't good.  tina looked at me and asked what was wrong and i just started to cry.  i told them what happened and that we had to leave.  just then, our food came.  oh, i was so tempted to just stay and eat through the pain for that pasta lucca!  so, keri and tina drove me home.  keri called my dad (whose truck had blew up earlier in the day on the way to the cities for meetings), and he met us at the house.  matt was home and had not gone to bowling.  when we got home, i was crying and called the doctor.  they told me to get to the birthing center right away.  so i did.  when i was packing, i didn't even bring my camera as i thought they would tell me to go home or give me something to fix what was wrong.

on the way to duluth, i timed the 'cramps'.  okay, i was still pretty naive at this point, thinking that i was having 'cramping'.  they were contractions!  they were about 2-4 minutes apart on the way down.  it is a good thing we left when we did.  we arrived at st. lukes at about 900PM.  i checked in and matt and i went to my room.  our parents were down there with us, i was so scared about what was going on.  i mean, hello, this was a little early to be having my baby.  nothing was being picked up on the monitor, so they gave me a push button thing to show when i was having pains.  well, at about 930PM, with matt, my dad, keri, and jamie in the room, i felt something crazy.  a gush.  yes, my water had broke.

keri immediately got on the buzzer and told the nurses to get down there.  the pain got a lot harder at this point.  i couldn't believe what was going on.  i was in another world.  they called for gold cross ambulance to transfer me to st. mary's as i was so early.  well, they didn't make it.  to make a long story short, i didn't get any pain meds because i dilated so fast.  before you knew it, at 1103PM, on wednesday, march 29, 2006, our son, tucker mathew cook, was born.

tucker was transported to st. mary's shortly after i had him.  he was admitted into the neonatal intensive care unit there.  i was in a daze after it was all over.  matt and i just sat in our hospital room like, what just happened?

over the next two days, we had visitors, phone calls, the whole nine yards, but i didn't have my baby.  he was a few blocks away.  it totally sucked.  my dream of what i thought it would be like, giving birth, bringing my baby home, was gone.  i was in some other land.  i felt pretty empty for a while, the only people i wanted to see were matt and tucker.  when i finally got released on friday, i couldn't wait to see him.  matt had not let anyone else hold him until i could for the first time. 

since this is so long, i will cut it down to this.  tucker was in the nicu for two weeks.  he finally came home and i was so happy.  for two weeks i was a mess.  staying there, leaving, it just sucked. 

just typing this over again, remembering that time during our life, it makes my eyes water.  i'm so happy that tucker was healthy and strong as things could have been so much worse.  a month or so ago, i was talking to matt about the night tucker was born.  i couldn't remember if matt had went over to st. mary's with tucker that night.  he said he hadn't because the doctors told them he should stay with me and that tucker was in good hands and doing well.  i actually got really sad about this.  i wish i would have TOLD matt to go over there.  i don't know.  sometimes little details about the whole experience still make me cry.  i remember the days i would drive back and forth from the hospital to home, i would play songs that i KNEW would make me cry.  it was so weird.  every time i left the hospital, i felt extreme guilt for leaving there ... without tucker.  i do remember i had two of the BEST nurses that helped me get through it, amy and sandy.  they were amazing and many times they would make me realize that everything i was feeling at the time was normal.  gah, what an experience.  one i do not want to repeat. 

so, that's the birth story.  and the couple weeks after.  and just a note, writing about something like this is not good when you're a pregnant emotional crazy woman.  :(

i hated babysitting.

when i was younger, i hated babysitting.  i never had a 'full-time' summer babysitting job like some of my friends.  i would go hang out with my friends who were babysitting other kids, but the first job i had was making pizza's at the local 'hot stuff'.  not watching kids.  i did watch my siblings ... but that was when i was told what i would be doing.  it wasn't really a matter of choice.  during the summer when we were out of school (i think i was around the age of 11ish maybe?) leah babysat my brother and i.  those were some FUN times. 

as i was thinking of some 'friday flashbacks' i thought maybe i would highlight some memories from my younger years of either babysitting or being babysat.  i'm pretty sure after you read some of these, you'll be glad i never babysat your kids.  eeek.

highlight number one:  i would often visit my best friend (when i was in junior high) while she babysat for some family friends/neighbors of ours.  their kids were out of control half the time and would not listen to us.  scream, argue, fight ... it was a miracle any of us came out alive.  i remember a few times when we had put the two individuals* in their bedroom and then tied a jump rope from their bedroom door handle across to the bathroom door handle to keep them INSIDE their room.  yes, basically we LOCKED them in because they were out of control.  at the time, it was funny.  but now that i'm a mom, i wonder how i would think about someone doing that to my kid?  DUDE.

highlight number two:  leah rocked as a babysitter.  we watched 'days of our lives', melted peanut butter and chocolate chips together for a nice snack, prank phone called our friends, went berry picking (i think we only did this once, but i remember it for some reason).  good stuff.  i also remember when we locked my brother in the kitchen cupboard (he was a little squirt back then).  he got in there (somehow we coaxed him in there) and then we put a butter knife through the handles so he couldn't get out.  like i said, it was funny at the time.  but guess what?  it's still funny.  hahaha!

highlight number three:  i'm pretty sure this incident happened when i was babysitting my brother.  me and my friend were pillow fighting my brother.  i think i might of gave my brother a good swat with the pillow when he developed a case of temporary insanity.  at the time, he was playing with those little hard plastic hockey sticks (obviously not armed with a weaponpillow like we were).  he got mad at me and whipped one of those hockey sticks at my head.  luckily i ducked, but the stick didn't stop there.  it continued and actually STUCK in our wall ... about six inches below our BAY WINDOW in the living room.  um, YEAH.  sure, NOW i feel bad about picking on my brother, but back then, i was happy he didn't actually hit me with that thing.  because OUCH.  my dad actually made him buy the plaster to fix the hole as punishment.  i think that might have been the beginning of his drywall skills.  :)

those are just a few memories i have.  i'm sure there are more.  i think i treat my babysitters pretty good (pay is good, fridge always full, snacks abundant) because i always thought babysitting sucked.  i can't imagine why anyone would want to give up their own free time (to hang out with friends and do FUN stuff) to go watch gremlins kids.  maybe i should have thought differently.  i might have made more money back then. 

*names not mentioned to protect ... myself.

monsters vs. papa rick.

i finally have a video for you.  just some rambling from tucker and myself.

quick story relating to the video:  on sunday night, tucker got his first bloody nose.  OMG it was insane.  it wasn't just like a little drip ... more like my bedroom and my child looked like part of a crime scene.  i was doing laundry before we went to bed.  matt was staying at the hunting shack.  i'm a bit of a freak when he isn't here at night.  anyways, i just hear tucker make this odd little moan, almost sounding confused (if you can sound confused when you moan).  i walk into my bedroom (where he was watching cartoons) and i could NOT believe my eyes.  there he stood on my bed.  his hands and face covered in blood.  blood splatter on the corner of my bed (later thought to be the result of a sneeze or a cough).  it was NOT pretty.  tucker wasn't crying, more like stunned.  i immediately grabbed him, telling him it was okay (thinking in my brain - BLOOD! RED BLOOD! EVERYWHERE!) and brought him in the bathroom to wash him off.  i was calm but still worried.  he had complained about headaches for a few days.  i just had the flu.  what if this was something MORE than just a bloody nose?  i did what i do most of the time i deal with something scary in the children's health area.  i called my dad.  i told him tucker had a bloody nose, could he come over, quick?  and he did.  yeah, my dad rocks.  so ... about the time he gets there, tucker's nose stops bleeding.  i quickly soak a washcloth with the redness that was EVERYWHERE.  tucker was pretty serious.  he never cried, but you could tell it had FREAKED him out a bit.  right after my dad left, tucker said the following to me, 'mom, it's a good thing papa rick came to save us.'  oh, and then he started talking about how papa rick was a fireman and rode in a firetruck and all that good stuff.  quite the story for his first bloody nose.

also a quick note:  my child has watched 'monsters vs. aliens' a kagillion times since i got it.  he loves it.  however, monsters are always a topic of conversation.  when i asked him what he wanted to talk about on this video ... monsters it was.

the lighting isn't the greatest. 
tucker is chowing on peanuts. 
i have a cold and my voice is weird. 

here, is the video 'monsters vs. papa rick':

the monsters are mean. 
papa rick saves people. 
the people the monsters bite perhaps?  :)

i live in the sticks.

i live in the sticks.  yes.  however, if you ask my husband, i'm a city girl.  confused?  see, i live in town, but our town really isn't that big.  a population of about 2,000 or so.  my husband grew up 15 miles out of town, in the country.  so, i'm a city girl and he's a country boy.  i guess.  i guess i'm just a normal 'small town' girl. 

this means that yes, i doctor in the BIG city of duluth.  it's an hour for me to get there, but basically it's the only place i trust to doctor in.  also, they have cool places like target and maurices (two of my favorite places to shop) and all sorts of other BIG city things.  funny thing is, i'm sure people that live there wouldn't consider it that BIG of a city.  maybe average.  :)  you throw me down in the metro and my head starts spinning and i see dead people.  or something.  kidding.  maybe.

you can feel bad for me.  i'm not one for mowing down ALL the trees in northern minnesota, but is it too much to ask target to think of us northern folks?  come on!  you could save a lot of car emissions by cutting down our round trip by about 120 miles.  sounds eco-friendly to me!

i loved having contact with 'city' people when i used to work at split rock lighthouse.  it was basically my job at the time just to talk to people.  it was an interesting experience.  the following are just some of the questions asked or comments made to me:

1. where do you live?  do they bus all you guys in here to work? 
2. what RIVER were we following all the way up here (along highway 61)? 
3. is there anything north of here? 
4. do they have schools up here? 
5. how long has that road been here (highway 61)?

i mean, they thought we were a bunch of retards that worked to serve tourists that had came up the 'river' never to leave the lighthouse again.  NICE.  oh, and that river they were wondering about ... it was LAKE SUPERIOR.  yeah.  no lie. 

sometimes it's fun just being a small town girl.  you are easily entertained by all those BIG city folks.

i will finally have some content!

the comments on my last post were awesome!  i'll get to all your burning questions ... this month.  i was going to start a post tonight, but well, things got in the way.  things like bedtime, a hurting (is that a word?) belly, and editing. 

i promise tomorrow's post is going to be something good.  like maybe a video of the little dude or something rad like that.  oh, and i'll have to talk on it and show off my ... accent (amber - you crack me up)!  :)

tell me what you want.

i had an awesome idea this evening.  while racking my brain for something to post about, i heard a voice in my head.  it said 'ask your readers'.  what a brilliant idea!  most of you know me or have been reading here for a while.  if you've been reading and have never left me a comment - speak up! or forever hold your computer mouse in silence. 

anyways, what do you like about stickyfeathers?  what do you like reading about?  or do you just like looking at pictures?  :)  do you have a favorite post (or 'type' of post)?  better yet ... is there anything you are totally DYING to know about me?  what brand toothpaste i use?  crest.  who is my favorite pro hockey player?  the great one.  have i had any pregnancy cravings so far?  all things strawberry (that i've noticed when i actually feel like eating).  see - there are no limits.  you just tell me things you want me to talk about and i'll do it.  this could be fun ... no?

let me give you what you want this november. 
it will be like bloggy christmas, but early.  :)

blank.

totally drawing a blank tonight (and all weekend) when it comes to the blog.  i just don't have enough energy to come up with anything good or clever.  i haven't done anything lately, besides try to recover.  egh.

let's go with a few bullets. 

• finally done with tamiflu.  the last two days i have cringed taking it because it has upset my stomach so much.  i haven't threw up, but would cough so much i'd gag bad - you know?  gross.  i still sound horrible but really, i'm feeling much better.
• watched a lot of tv over the past week.  new favorite show: flowers uncut on tlc.  no idea why it appealed to me, but now it's on my dvr.  i'm totally caught up on my soap opera too.  seriously, i've had like a tv overdose.  sick.
• google reader: out of control.  barely looked at it while sick.  not good.
• the house is disinfected (huge thanks to my stepmom for coming over on HER birthday and helping me out ... made a big difference and we scared away the germs)!  however, the house is already messy just three days later ... and we were gone for two of them.  wild.
• thinking about christmas shopping.  OMG.  tucker wants EVERYTHING.  insane.
• a big thanks to my mother-in-law for allowing us to crash at her house all weekend.  it's fun to hang out with the family, but it was also nice not being alone and getting to rest a bit more too. 
• back to reality.  need to get the house back in order, my clients taken care of, and ensure that all the flu germs are gone and DEAD forever. 

toodles!

weekend edition.

it was 63* today.  this is not ideal hunting weather.  so, it shouldn't be a surprise when i write that nobody in our 'hunting party' got their deer.  yet.  hopefully tomorrow brings more luck, but who knows. 

i drug myself out of quarantine on friday night to come out to the in-law's.  we are staying here all weekend.  matt is up at the 'hunting shack' tonight with the guys.  we're just hanging out here.  much better than being home alone.  i'm feeling better but this tamiflu basically sucks.  i think it is making me feel nautious.  the pregnancy ickness went away and i feel like eating more since getting sick, but now the tamiflu is making me feel ... pregnant ... again.  dang.  i can't win.

not much else to report on this weekend edition. 

oh, i'm so ready for november snow.  it's time. 

guess what?

being a hunting widow sucks. 
when you are pregnant. 
and hormones are whack.

enough said.

birthday time!

i'm taking a break from my regular content complaining about pregnancy and sickness to talk to you about ... my husband's birthday!  it's today!  oh, and it's my step-mom's too (happy birthday)!

so, in light of recent events, i have nothing planned, bought, wrapped, ready for his birthday.  nothing.  i shouldn't probably have much contact with his food so, no cake either.  i thought about ordering them, but he'd have to pick them up.  i'm all over this obviously.

i'm looking for your thoughts and advice on this one.  what special thing have you done for your man on his birthday?  either free or not-so-free, either fun or serious ... anything!  what's the last thing you bought your husband?  the last thing i bought for matt was black powder stuff ... and i had his orders to get it.  the last surprise i got him ... no idea.  i am going to get him some under armour gear, but i haven't even got to ordering that.  and hunting is this weekend.  whoops.

so, enlighten me.  i'd love to hear your birthday ideas for the men in your life!  i think they (husbands, dads, brothers, BASICALLY ALL MEN) are the most difficult to do anything for!

i hope that even though he's living in the house of sickness right before his most favorite time of the year, that he has a great birthday and an even greater (and successful) week next week out in the woods. 

i love you honey.  happy birthday.  :)