stand by your man?
if you haven't heard about governor eliot spitzer's prostitution scandal, you must be living under a rock. if not, you can catch up with some of it here, and here, and here.
we have all watched him in front of the camera's this week, as he stumbled dive-bombed from his seat as the governor of new york. one of the most interesting things to many of us was the fact that his wife, silda, stood by him each time he spoke to the public.
even though i have no idea what i would do if i were in that position, i think i can understand why she is standing there. imagine being married to someone for twenty years. no matter what kind of marriage you have, there is a bond there. now, imagine that marriage being turned upside down in front of the entire world. not by something you had done, but by something your spouse had done. wouldn't you want to stand tall - even if it meant standing by him at his lowest moment? even if you wanted to run him over with your trailblazer, wouldn't you stand there one last time to show him some ounce of support for his mistakes? to tell you the honest truth, i don't know if i would. the thing about this is it was something illegal that he was part of, he ran on a platform that painted himself as 'mr. clean', and he prosecuted the very same people that in fact he was exactly like. wow. talk about a real kick in the nuts on your way to slumpville. could you even have any integrity left? i highly doubt it. but, although we are watching his public life go down the toilet, he still has to go through this ordeal with his wife and children. that is a whole different dynamic. i really don't think i could say what i would do in her situation...but i really do feel like i can understand why she made the choice she did.
oh, and you might remember this scandal (hello america, i'm a gay american - oh, and i want to thank my wife for her support). when new jersey's governor called it quits after coming out of the closet, his wife, dina, stood by him. well, for a moment or two. i think i saw her on oprah last year, in which she explained what she was feeling as she stood next to her gay husband. she was in complete shock. um yeah, i would have been too. wow. then i would have been pissed and went to get the keys to my trailblazer (if i had one). i think this situation is obviously a bit different from spitzer's. i mean, being gay isn't illegal.
so, what do you think about these scandals? do you think you would be up there standing next to your man if something similar were to ever in a million years happen to you (let's get hypothetical here)? would it matter if it was illegal or not? i'm just curious. everyone has their opinion on these scandals and how the wife has reacted. tell me what you think.
Ok, if I was in the public eye and had to be on cameras, nope, not gonna do it. I will not make you look human when you have betrayed me. In private depending on what went down, I'd really have to think about it, though I'd probably leave. I think trust is such a vital component of a marriage.
Posted by: Robyn | 2008.03.16 at 21:48
Oh. And uh, that would be a NO, for me, as to that whole 'Standing by your man?' thing.
LOL
Posted by: Jen | 2008.03.16 at 19:29
I am a little late to the party, but wanted to toss in my two cents!
People may not agree with me, and that is ok, but I think that saying "If a person cheats there is a reason." is utter crap.
( no disrespect to those that feel that way...)
I feel that there is NO good reason for cheating. EVER. I have had people say to me (in regards to an ex) that if I loved him, I would have forgiven him. Pffft. I always responded with "If he loved me, he would not have cheated!" And I stand by that with a fiery conviction the likes of which you cannot imagine.
If you love someone, you don't do them wrong like that. I know that people make mistakes and all that, but that is just one mistake that is unforgivable to me. Do not put yourself in a position where something with someone else could 'just happen', be responsible in your relationships and keep the lines of communication OPEN. If you care so little as to cheat and mess around, then it is time to call it quits.
*steps off soapbox*
Posted by: Jen | 2008.03.16 at 19:27
do you recall lorena bobbit?
Posted by: zoe | 2008.03.15 at 23:27
amy, i was nowhere near calling you (or anyone here) ignorant! :) sorry if you thought so!
Posted by: Kim | 2008.03.14 at 22:25
we all will have our own opinions and we are certainly entitled to that! :)
i want to thank all of you for sharing your thoughts! next week i'll try to take on a little lighter of a subject.
Posted by: jenny | 2008.03.14 at 18:32
meant to say without being called ignorant! ooops...
Posted by: amy | 2008.03.14 at 16:47
I certainly think we can have differences of opinion with being called ignorant.
Disagreements can still be considered respectful, right?
Posted by: amy | 2008.03.14 at 16:29
i'm with amy.... my comment was not made out of ignorance, and i cannot speak for anyone else, obviously - but i can say this. having had five years of marriage and experiencing the ultimate betrayal, there is no way someone should stay with somebody who disrespects them AND their children in such a public way... how can that woman ever regain her dignity? she will forever be defined as "that woman"... if she can forgive him she's a bigger woman than i could ever be. i'm putting the blazer in reverse. our state is a no-fault state - which is B.S... a little OT but i think that that should be changed. cheating = grounds for divorce = the victimized spouse gets EVERYTHING.
Posted by: jessica | 2008.03.14 at 15:35
I think I would stand by him with my lawyer on speed dial! He would have no idea how hard his world was about to be rocked! And I say this because my first husband cheated on me and I have no tolerance for infidelity. What it does to a family, to a woman's self esteem, it's just horrible.
Posted by: amy | 2008.03.14 at 15:14
i agree with mrspop that it's a very personal thing and i think it's somewhat ignorant that someone would say ABSOLUTELY NOT when not having ever been faced with that same situation. you may think you know how you would react, but you might react differently when it's really happening to you after 20 years of marriage. until you've really been there, do you really know? i *think* i know what i would do. but i'm not going to say with 100% certainly that i would do it. i'm just not going to call some politician's wife names because she choose to stand by him during a press conference. what do i know of her life?
also, this is not just politicians. real people go through this ALL THE TIME. some marriages last, some don't. i am willing to bet that we all know people whose marriages have been affected by adultery, and we don't know it because they're still married and the other spouse is standing by them. it can be done... some couples can work through adultery... some that have lasted are better than they were before, some aren't. you just can't judge.
Posted by: Kim | 2008.03.14 at 14:00
Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of, "What would I do if faced with a cheating spouse?"
I don't understand political wives. Never have, never will. But what I do know for sure is that a cheating husband or wife always has a reason for doing so... And if my husband cheated on me, well, AFTER I got over being completely furious, I would think long and hard about what I wanted for me, my SON, and my FAMILY. And what I might need to work on to ensure I did everything in my power to do what was RIGHT for all of us.
But I cannot disagree with someone choosing to end the marriage over cheating. It's a tough and DEEPLY personal call.
Posted by: MrsPop | 2008.03.14 at 11:30
Jenny,
I did not mean to hijack your post with with a comment that also speaks to another issue too. I am just really sad today, hearing all about this hateful/hurtful stuff!!!
I am bothered beyond belief and I had to get it out.
Sorry about my rant, but I am just not sure if people know about this!
Peace out!
Posted by: amy | 2008.03.14 at 10:53
The is NO way I would have stood by him in that public forum. I could not DISAGREE more with Mrs. Pops!!! Elliot is sick and twisted. This is about his control and pervesions - it has NOTHING to do with whether or not his wife would put out!!! To think he has girls too. It is just plain gross let alone immoral!
It disgusts me!!! However so doesn't Barack Obama's close affiliation with the evil hate monger, known as Jeremiah Wright!!!
Posted by: amy | 2008.03.14 at 10:45
I don't know what I would do in this situation. I probably wouldn't have been standing right there though. I also belive that Silda must have known about this at some point. How could you not know? I really truly believe I would know if my husband was screwing around behind my back.
I don't feel bad for Spitzer but I feel awful for his wife and children.
I like Hope's comment :)
Posted by: Mary | 2008.03.14 at 10:40
No, if I hadn't already murdered him, I'd be home calling the divorce lawyer and changing the locks. I don't understand politician's wives. There must be a hugh pay-off, that's foreign to normal people. This is also why I'd never, ever vote for Hilary. Not much of a role-model.
Posted by: Jan | 2008.03.14 at 10:38
And it's not God who says to "stand by your man," it was Tammy Wynette. ;-)
God called adultery a sin.
Posted by: MrsPop | 2008.03.14 at 10:30
It's a tough call... And I can't answer why Mrs. Spitzer is standing by her husband.
For me, I have a young son. If my husband strayed, of course I'd be devastated. But I would take a look at our lives together and try to understand if he strayed because I wasn't feeding his needs at home. Let's face it girls, if someone's eaten a full meal at home (be it a Big Mac or Filet Mignon), they're not going to go out to dinner five minutes later...
But it's a tough call and I know I wouldn't want my son to grow up without his father, so I would probably try to make it work and try to move past it.
Posted by: MrsPop | 2008.03.14 at 10:29
I'd be up there standing next to my man... just so that the cameras could catch my slugging him! :p
Posted by: Hope | 2008.03.14 at 09:41
I was watching Larry King last night about this scandal. I just cannot believe it.
Let's just say if that were my husband and he humilliated our family like that, he wouldn't have been alive to even give his resignation speech!
I think that she was Silva was degrading herself by standing by his side during his speech. NO way in hell would I have stood up there and shown my support.
I don't know where all of these famou people think that this kind of crap won't leak out into the public. Did he honestly think that it would have stayed a secret forever. Things always come out into the open.
Posted by: Leslie | 2008.03.14 at 08:59
Um... God says to stand by your man. But that's NOT why they did it (referring to all the politicians. YOu notice it's always politicians that save face in public?? Nobody else?) And that's exactly why, to further themselves. Hillary knew Bill was cheating on her. She didn't care because she was just there to benefit herself. And after he totally screwed up, I'm sure it was hard to stand by him, but..... now she's running for freaking president. What!??!! The Clinton's in the White House again. What in the world....????!!
Anyway.... embarrassing, hypocritical, terribly immoral.... and I've gotta hand it to her that she's standing by her man cuz Eli's balls would be gone by now. Especially if our children and their friends had to know about it!
Posted by: Jaime | 2008.03.14 at 08:42
Absolutely not. I would not stand there next to him ever again in his whole life. For anything. I would want his head on a platter. I have told my husband on numerous occasstions not to think he can get away with cheating on me without dying a slow, cruel death. That's bad enough but prostitution with a young girl? OH. MY. GOD. I would hope he could run fast. Very, very fast.
Posted by: gina | 2008.03.14 at 08:27
i don't know what i would do.....i know there are plenty of men out there who have stood by their women also.(cheating etc.) the bond of love is a strong bond. in his case with such a high standing political position i guess i would have thought he would have let that be his number one position instead of the position he decided to take. and i'm sure it wasn't an upright position. he gives politics a bad name but has did the right thing by stepping down. i'm sure his wife is burning up inside with anger and frustration, but as i said before the bond of love is strong........we'll see what happens in the end...and my god, the girl was young enough to be his daughter, that is a sick thought..
Posted by: jenny's mom | 2008.03.14 at 07:56
jessica - that's what i was thinking but i guess it didn't come out well in this post. it is sad if there life has came down to NEEDING someone like that instead of being able to stand up for yourself. i think in the article about silda it talked about how she had basically quit her career to be the perfect first wife. she still did amazing things, but she was not the high powered lawyer she once was and could have still been. now what does she have? i think that's why i can understand why she is standing there...she is in shock and has little left to hold onto? who the hell knows. i think i'd be putting my trailblazer in reverse for another round. hahaha!
Posted by: jenny | 2008.03.14 at 07:09
p.s. love the little fish covered tucker butt in your header!
Posted by: jessica | 2008.03.14 at 06:35
um. no. i didn't even have to read your whole post. although i did. and i feel the same about hillary and bill. wouldn't be standing by that man... i would honestly run him over with the blazer... funny jen! i also think these women are in shock and denial and just maybe want to salvage what they thought they had. saaaaaad if your life comes down to that and suddenly is in the control of another person, in a way. happy FRIDAY!
Posted by: jessica | 2008.03.14 at 06:34
That is very nearly the ultimate betrayal and no. I would not stand up next to an adultering husband as he made excuses for being a weak and worthless POS. oh, you mean how what do i think for other women to stand for it? everyone has different needs and they do what they need to do to get along.
Posted by: Anne | 2008.03.14 at 01:19