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2009.08.13

Comments

jenny's mom/tucker's gram

just let nature take it's course honey. tucker needs a sibling and you and matt need another child. go for it honey.

LeeAnn Howard

We had our plan of wanting 2 kids and for them to be about 2.5 years apart. Well it worked out well for getting pregnant with Lukas on the first month. But the second one didn't time out. It took us 15 months!! And although I wouldn't have dreamed of having them 3years 9months apart, I think it will work out better for our family and for Lukas. Lukas is so much more independent now, than he would be at 2.5 years old. But it really did open my eyes that not everything can turn out to your plan. You just have to be happy with it and see the positive in it.

hilary

We started trying right around the time that I knew I wanted to switch jobs, but didn't think anything of it because we thought it would take awhile...I was pregnant the first month. I had a fantastic pregnancy until I randomly went into labor 2 months early...3 days of bedrest and then my water broke and he was born at 32 weeks. I hadn't worked long enough to qualify for short term disability so went back to work RIGHT after having a baby so I could get paid while he was in the NICU, then took unpaid leave for 8 weeks for a "maternity leave"...it was not ideal, but the end result is a fabulous and healthy almost-3-yr-old!

I was definitely scared about preterm when trying for our second. But noone can really tell you why preterm labor happens for sure...there are risks, yes, but they can't really tell you why it happens. You might go full term or longer the second time around. We lost that second pregnancy and that sucked. Then got pregnant with the twins and of course, preterm was on my mind again! They actually stayed in longer (34 1/2 weeks!) than their older, singleton brother. So you just never know. I'm a firm believer in fate...the next cook will join your family when it's meant to be...

So, to answer your question, instead of rambling, Andy and I wanted to have all our kids before we were 30, and we wanted them reasonably close together like our siblings had been, and we wanted 2-3 kids...none of my pregnancies turned out as "planned", but I wouldn't change a thing.

Lola

I think we, as women, all worry about pregnancies, both before and during. We worry about miscarriages (I had one) and we worry about being healthy and hoping the baby is healthy. I think if I were you I would go talk with one of the docs and get checked out. It will ease your mind and make you feel better. I'm sure this one will go off without a hitch and everything will be perfect.
My plan - I didn't want kids. I was happy with how my life and marriage were going. We were free to go as we pleased and to do whatever. But one day it seemed right and we tried. And we got pregnant right away. Had some complications and minor surgeries...recovered and got pregnant again and now have Clayton. He is very active and keeps us very busy so right now he will be an only child. I will never say I'll never have another kid, but so far...only child. Good luck Jenny!!

Angela

As I said on FB...

I am totally with you on the great pregnancy and I'll just say NOT SO NORMAL delivery and recovery.... but I am greatfull that the problems were with me and not Cooper. I just figure this time should be a breeze after that!! As they say... every pregnancy is different... I just hope the the delivery is different :) Try not to worry and just "DO IT" ;)

Jen Marquardt

Well sorry not much help on this one. Since I am not planning on popping one out until i'm 30.... or 2 years after we are married if Ross can have his way.... no thanks... He said he will just sneak one by me... but i do love being auntie Jenny rolling around in Saw dust piles with Tucker. Do it soon so you can come to Cabo! :)

Nicole

I admire you for putting so much thought into this, as we did not - and while I wouldn't want things any other way (most days), I sometimes wonder how things would have turned out if we had. My only 'goal' was to be done having children by the time I was 30 - mostly because of the limited number of studies that suggest having babies before the big 3-0 is better. I don't know that we ever really thought consciously about how far apart we wanted to have the kids - we literally 'celebrated' making it through the first year of parenting Cooper by conceiving Maren. They are 20 months apart, and have so much fun together, that we decided we wanted #3 to be similarly spaced. Quinn would have been 19 months younger than Maren, and was our only 'planned' pregnancy (the rest were 'Let's pull the goalie and see what happens'.) (And I can't put any thoughts or plans after how we proceeded after Quinn into words.)

I agree with Gina in that a visit to the doctor may do a lot to help ease your mind. After what you went through with Tucker you have every right to be a bit nervous and/or scared. Whatever you decide will be perfect for you and your family - and we will all be here to support you!

anne

I think it's totally acceptable to be freaked out about having *A* kid, and even more so to freak about having kid #2, #3, etc. In fact, I find myself even MORE freaked out contemplating a second one than I was contemplating a first. You know what it's like and are able to LIVE IN FEAR of everything from something going wrong in the pregnancy to the sleep deprivation... everything! (Basically Jenny, I could have written this exact post myself- except for the early delivery part.)

My husband and I were married 7 years before we decided we were ready for kids. I kind of had in my mind that I wanted one around the age of 30...and it worked out perfectly b/c I got pregnant with Ryan in month #1 of trying. I was absolutely positively in NO WAY ready to even THINK about another baby until Ryan turned two. And now that he's beyond two I can imagine it, but the thought still freaks me out!!

Oh and another thing I wanted to say was- whatever you decide or however things turn out- there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having an only child. I think people expect everyone to always want multiple kids...but that's just not the case for some. (I had to throw that out there, b/c sometimes it gets annoying to be asked over and over about when you're going to give Kid#1 a sibling!)

Misti

I had so many plans & ideas for the first one. My thought was first baby around 24 (I got married at 21) then baby #2 at around 26 & so on. Well, things didn't work out according to "my" plans, but I know that God's timing is right. We tried for 3 years before we got pregnant with my son. I was 30 when he was born. A bit later that I had planned. ;o) But I wouldn't have it any other way. As for #2, I always said I wanted my kids around 2 years apart, but as the time drew nearer that we'd need to start trying I knew I wasn't ready. It's really just been in the past several months that I've started coming around. My son will be 3 in October & we're pretty much trying now. It was a much harder decision for me to start trying for #2 than it was for #1. Even now, when I think about it, I get kind of anxious. I know that God's timing will be right this time too, so we're just kind of going with it. Though, with my history of infertility (I have PCOS) we may start some sort of treatment earlier this go round than last time.

Good luck!!!

kim

oh, you KNOW i'm a planner. :)
we always said we'd be married about 5 years before we'd have a kid... as you know we just celebrated our 5 year anniversary with about 1.8 kids. :) we just came to this point where it was like, what are we waiting for anyway? we had good jobs, had traveled, etc, and were really happy, so why not? this was in early summer and i decided to wait to get pregnant with max until august so i could have him in may and have the summer off. :) worked just as planned. with this one, i just felt like it was time again, and i always liked how far apart my sister and i are in age - close enough that we share some of the same friends, etc, but far enough apart, you know? my sister and i are 2 years 4 months apart, and max and his sister will be 2 years 5 months. we got pregnant the first month we tried again, and like tammie was saying, i did try to increase our odds of having a girl. :) we have been sooo lucky that it's been so easy for us.
as for having an age in mind - not really. like i said, five years ago i might have said late 20s... but then i had max at 25 and now i am sort of enjoying the idea that i will be DONE being pregnant so early. and that i'll only be in my early 40s when we have kids in college. don't get me wrong, i'm not by any means saying i want my kids gone :) but i just think that it will be nice to still be young when they are.
i totally agree with gina that maybe you should make an appt to just talk about what happened last time and if there's anything you should consider this time. i think it's pretty normal to see a dr before trying to get pregnant, get checked out, etc and i think it would probably ease your worries somewhat. even just talking to my doctor(s) about my last delivery and getting their opinions on how it went, etc, has made me feel SO MUCH better about this one. i don't know about you but i felt like i left the hospital last time with a lot of unanswered questions, but at the time, who really wants to dwell on that, you have a new baby! so now might be a good time to figure things out (and i would recommend dr. revoir or dr. johnson - both were a lot easier to talk to than dr. boyle was, at least for me, i just think they are more personable/chatty - esp revoir).

good luck... whatever happens will work out perfectly, i am sure of it!

Nicole

I'm extremely "plan-oriented" and once we got married I (literally) typed up a "5-year plan" for us. We've completed our "5-year plan" and surprisingly we've completed most everything all relatively close to the timing I wished. Ok, sooo off topic. But anyhow, when I got pregnant the first time (miscarried), I had gotten off birth control and blood pressure meds (to control migraines) in January to make sure I could function without it. I got pregnant in April and then miscarried. Which ended up being a blessing in disguise, my due date was in the middle of my student teaching.... I didn't plan that too well! I got pregnant with Porter right on schedule, he was born a few weeks after I finished up student teaching. To be honest, I thought I'd be happy with one child after having Porter. Once he turned 1, Ryan started bugging me for another baby. I refused and refused until he was about 18 months old and all of a sudden I was like 'Let's have a baby!" I knew with my job (not having maternity leave) I wanted to be due sometime near the end of the school year. Fortunately, it worked out perfectly. With Hudson, I kind of had a time in mind that I wanted them about 2 years apart. We have been VERY lucky to get pregnant very quickly.

We do plan on having a 3rd, although I waver back and forth with wanting to adopt first and then have a 4th (EEEK!). My plan so far is to wait to get pregnant after Hudson turns 3ish, that way Porter will be going into 1st grade when Baby #3 is due/born etc. However, I am kind of tossing around the idea of getting pregnant when Hudson is about 2.5 or so. I do know that I want a little more space between Hudson and the third baby.

WHEW! Sorry about that long explanation! I guess to sum it up, yes our entire family has been planned out to the T. LOL!

gina

My girl was 4 weeks early and my fear wasn't as much in the GETTING pregnant again but more in the NOT getting pregnant (which is weird because I had some complications that I probably SHOULD have been more worried about, things I didn't really think about until I got pregnant and the doctors were all freaking out). I didn't want Renee to be an only child, didn't want my pregnancy experience to end on a bad note (early, emergency c-section). So we just didn't prevent and Cameron showed up 16 months later. It isn't what I WANTED (I wanted them two years apart) but it was better than never having another baby. Plus, I don't like TRYING to get pregnant, it takes the fun out of it for me, I just worry.

Have you gone to see your OB about what they think happened last time? Preclampsia? Just sounds like it with the swelling? What are the chances are of it happening again, what you can do to prevent it, etc. Talking about those things might ease your fears? I totally wish I had gone in and asked questions about how/why things happened with Renee BEFORE getting pregnant with Cameron. I think I would have been better prepared for the worry, stress, odd bleeding etc.

Good luck!

Mary

I wasn't scared at all until the day I was having contractions and I called and they said "why don't you head on in to the hospital." I hung up the phone and cried! Because right then and there, I knew that once I left the house, our lives were about to change. And change it did! Baby no. 2 was a baby from hell for the first 3 months! But now he is an ANGEL! Lucky for us, all I have to do is think about it and I get pregnant. It's been so easy for us and I thank my lucky stars every day for that because my heart aches for people that it is harder for. We did not plan No. 1 although we didn't prevent him either. No. 2 was planned but happened a lot quicker than expected, hence why I say all I have to do is think about it! Over all, if I look back at what I pictured life to be like right now, it's very different. I thought for sure I'd be a SAHM mom but that's not the case. And I've come to terms with it and accept it now. I also thought I'd have at least 3 kids and now I'm not so sure about that. I'd have another in a heart beat but hubby's not on board. So we'll have to see. Sorry, this was kind of all over the place. Good Luck!!

Denise

Great topic!!

We decided to try after being married 2 years...It happened right away. Great easy pregnancy then she was born 5 1/2 weeks early after 4 hours of labor(not something we expected)she was in NICU for 2 weeks came home was extremely colicky for the 1st year!!:( was seriously going to be an only kid at the rate she was going, but we did not want ONLY 1. So when she was 21/2 we decided to GO FOR IT again (and was scared to death after the 1st being SO hard). We just decided that we are going for it and prayed that this time would be different. We held our breaths and jumped in!. It happened right away again. Great pregnancy and then she was born 7 weeks early after 1 hour of labor(great again-which they could not figure out why both girls were early) stayed in NICU for over 3 weeks, came home and was a MUCH happier baby than her sister was (thank-god I could NOT have done another extremely colicky baby). They are 3 years apart and we have decided that 2 premies are enough for us! Since we were lucky that they are healthy now. I did have the idea that I wanted 2 or 3 by the time I was 30! And it worked out for us I had Kaitlyn at 25 and Kylie at 27 and we are DONE!! We are blessed with 2 girls and our family is complete. It is a huge step to decided when to add another member to the family! Good luck to you

Tammie

I can't say anything about planning as my daughter was totally a surprise, but I did learn a way (supported by research) to increase the chances of having a certain sex (of baby) in my maternal nursing class. Let me know if you want to know. :)

Kasey Laughlin

We decided to start trying after our first year of marriage...turns out that year took over 5 years, but we, as you know, just had our little boy in May. And yes, I did have a plan in my head about when I wanted my kiddos. I wanted two or three by the time I was 30...so I at least had 1 by the time I was 30. Evan was born 6 days after my 30th birthday! :) We are currently not preventing and don't think we will get pregnant since it took us so long with the first (and with fertility treatments) so we are just seeing that will happen...and if it does, that would be great! Scared...heck yeah! Besides being sick for almost 4 months straight, it was a relatively easy pregnancy and a fast, quick delivery. I'm scared when we do get pregnant again that I'll be sick again but have a longer, harder delivery. I think most people are scared with every pregnancy, especially adding another child to the family. Things will work out the way they are supposed to and no you are not crazy! Great topic and sorry for the LONG post! :)

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